> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://blog.lasouveraine.co/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # You're in "The Box" Right Now - URL: https://blog.lasouveraine.co/youre-in-the-box-right-now/ - Published: 2026-07-20T02:22:56.000Z - Updated: 2026-07-20T02:22:55.000Z - Author: Angie Wing ### **(And It's Costing You Everything)** Let me tell you about two conversations I had in the same day. **Conversation #1:** A VP of Operations complaining about her CFO. "He just doesn't get it. He's always blocking our initiatives, always focused on the bottom line, never thinking about the bigger picture." **Conversation #2:** That same CFO, three hours later, complaining about the VP of Operations. "She doesn't understand business fundamentals. She's always pushing expensive programs without thinking about ROI." Same situation. Two smart, well-intentioned leaders. Both completely convinced the other person is the problem. ### **Here's what neither could see: They were both in the box.** And if you've ever been frustrated by a difficult colleague, a resistant customer, or a team that won't collaborate—chances are, you've been in the box too. ## What Is "The Box"? The box is a state of self-deception where you stop seeing people as people and start seeing them as objects. I know that sounds harsh. You're thinking, "I don't see people as objects. I'm not a sociopath." But the box is subtle. It's not about being a bad person. It's a mental shift that happens to all of us, usually without realizing it. ### **Here's how you know you're in the box:** - You're focused on YOUR needs, YOUR goals, YOUR objectives - You see others as obstacles, vehicles, or irrelevancies - You justify your behavior ("Of course I pushed back—her proposal was unrealistic") - You blame others ("If he wasn't so short-sighted, we could innovate") - You feel righteous about your position ("I'm right, they're wrong") When you're in the box, you can't see that the other person has their own pressures, fears, and very real concerns. You just see them as the thing standing between you and what you need. ### **They become an object in your story. Not a person with their own story.** Why We All End Up in the Box Here's the part that's kind of mind-bending: We don't choose to go into the box. Our brains do it automatically. Your brain is designed to keep you safe. And sometimes "safe" means protecting your ego, your position, your sense of being right. ## **We go into the box when we:** - Focus primarily on ourselves ("I need to hit my quota") - Judge others ("He's just a bean counter") - Get defensive ("They don't understand what I'm dealing with") - Justify our actions ("I had no choice") - Ignore others' needs ("I don't have time for their concerns") The box is self-reinforcing. Once you're in it, everything confirms you're right and they're wrong. You collect evidence. Build your case. Convince yourself. And the kicker? **When you're in the box, the other person can feel it.** They sense you're not really seeing them. And that makes THEM go into the box too. Now you've got two people in boxes, both convinced the other is the problem, both unable to see their role in creating the mess. How the Box Destroys Teams Picture a meeting with Finance, Marketing, Sales, Operations, and Social Impact—all supposedly collaborating on a new initiative. ### **Each person sees through their lens:** - Finance: Budget to protect, shareholders to report to, board that will judge them - Marketing: Brand reputation to maintain, campaigns to execute, metrics to hit - Sales: Quotas to reach, customers to close, commissions to earn - Operations: Processes to maintain, efficiency to maximize, chaos to prevent - Social Impact: Mission that matters, communities to serve, impact being sacrificed Everyone has legitimate pressures. Real concerns. Valid objectives. ### **And everyone goes into the box.** Finance sees Social Impact as "the team that doesn't understand business reality." Social Impact sees Finance as "the team that only cares about money." Marketing sees Sales as "the team that makes promises we can't keep." Sales sees Marketing as "the team that doesn't understand what closes deals." ### **It's not competing priorities. It's that you're all seeing each other as objects instead of people.** The Finance person isn't a heartless bean counter. They're a human who has to stand in front of a board and justify every expenditure, with their job security on the line. The Social Impact person isn't a naive idealist. They've seen firsthand what poverty and climate change do to communities, and they can't unsee it. But when we're in the box, we can't hold that complexity. We just see: obstacle, problem, unreasonable person. ## What the Box Does to Sales Conversations Now let's talk about sales, because this is where the box becomes painfully obvious. You have a quota. You need to close deals. So you walk into a conversation laser-focused on: **"How do I get this person to buy?"** Consciously or not, you start seeing them as an object. They're not a complex human with competing pressures, a boss breathing down their neck, budget constraints, career implications, and a family to provide for. They're a "qualified lead." A "prospect." A "potential close." ### **An object you need to move from Point A (not buying) to Point B (buying).** Here's the thing: They can feel it. Maybe not consciously. But they sense you're not really interested in them. You're interested in their signature. So they go into THEIR box. Now they see YOU as an object—the "pushy salesperson," the "person trying to get my money," the "thing I need to deflect." ### **Now you're stuck in this dance:** - You're trying to overcome objections - They're putting up more resistance - You're having the same conversation over and over - Nothing's moving forward - You're both frustrated ### **But here's what changes everything:** What if you walked in with a different intention? Not: "How do I close this deal?" But: **"How can I help this person? What problem are they actually facing? What does success look like for THEM?"** When you genuinely shift from seeing them as an object (means to your quota) to seeing them as a person (someone with real challenges you might help solve), the entire dynamic changes. You listen differently. You hear things you missed before. You ask better questions. You see creative solutions that were invisible when tunnel-visioned on the close. **And paradoxically, you close MORE deals.** Not through manipulation, but by actually solving problems instead of pushing products. How the Box Sabotages Leadership When you're leading a team, being in the box is catastrophic. Here's why: **You can't build trust.** Your team senses when you see them as resources to manage rather than humans to support. They give you compliance, not commitment. **You miss critical information.** When convinced you're right, you stop listening. That junior team member with a concern? You dismiss it because you're focused on YOUR objective. Six months later, that concern becomes why your project failed. **You create a culture of boxes.** When you operate in the box, your team learns that's how things work here. Now nobody's collaborating, everyone's protecting their turf. **You can't inspire people.** Those leaders people would follow anywhere? They're not smarter or more strategic. **They're out of the box.** They see you as a person, genuinely care about your success, your growth, your wellbeing—not just what you can do for them. ## The Real Cost of the Box Let's get real about what the box costs: **In Teams:** - Competing priorities become competing egos - Collaboration becomes war - Innovation dies (nobody shares ideas with "the enemy") - Projects fail (nobody's actually working together) - Talent leaves (who wants this toxicity?) **In Sales:** - Same conversation on repeat without progress - Burning through prospects without building relationships - Mediocre win rates - Exhaustion from pushing - No referral network **In Leadership:** - Lost trust - Decisions based on incomplete information - Culture of self-protection instead of innovation - Best people leaving - No buy-in for your vision ## How to Get Out of the Box Here's the beautiful and frustrating thing: Once you see the box, you can't unsee it. But knowing about it doesn't automatically keep you out. Going into the box is automatic—it's what our brains do when stressed or focused on our own needs. ### **Getting out requires practice:** **Step 1: Recognize When You're In** First sign? You're focused on how someone else needs to change. "If they would just..." "Why can't they see..." "They need to understand..." That's the box talking. **Step 2: Ask "What Are THEIR Pressures?"** Take that CFO blocking your initiative. Instead of "He's short-sighted and greedy," ask: What's he dealing with? What keeps him up at night? What consequences does HE face if this goes wrong? The moment you genuinely try to understand their world, you start getting out. **Step 3: Take Responsibility** Hard truth: Instead of "They're being difficult," ask: "How am I contributing to this dynamic?" Maybe the CFO is defensive because I came at him aggressively last time. Maybe the prospect is resistant because I wasn't listening. Maybe my team isn't collaborating because I've been pitting them against each other. **Step 4: Focus on "How Can I Help Things Go Right?"** This is the magic question. Not: "How do I get what I want?" But: **"How can I help this situation go right for everyone?"** When you genuinely commit to this, everything shifts. ## What This Looks Like in Practice Back to that VP and CFO. I asked each: "What pressures is the other person dealing with?" The VP paused: "Well... he has to report to the board quarterly. They've been pushing him about margins. He probably feels like everyone's asking for money without understanding financial constraints..." The CFO thought: "She's trying to build a more sustainable company. She's frustrated because she sees the long-term benefit but I'm focused on short-term numbers. She probably feels like I don't care about impact..." Just asking those questions started getting them out of their boxes. We restructured their next meeting. Instead of competing proposals, they came in with a shared question: **"How can we build sustainable impact that ALSO meets our financial obligations?"** Different question. Different energy. Different outcome. They created a phased approach addressing both concerns. Nobody got everything they wanted. But they created something better than either could have alone. **Because they were seeing each other as people, not objects.** The Three-Second Practice That Changes Everything Before every important interaction—team meeting, sales call, difficult conversation—take three seconds and ask: **"What does this PERSON need right now?"** Not: "What do I need to accomplish?" But: "What does this PERSON need?" That question shifts your brain from object-mode to person-mode. Simple. But not easy. Because staying out of the box requires constantly checking yourself. Constantly choosing to see people as people even when it would be easier to see them as obstacles. ## Why This Matters More Than You Think After 15+ years watching high-performers, here's what I've learned: The difference isn't talent, work ethic, or strategy. **It's whether they're operating from inside or outside the box.** Leaders who transform organizations? Out of the box. Salespeople who build legendary careers? Out of the box. Teams that do impossible things? Out of the box. ### When you're out of the box: - You see creative solutions that were invisible - You build trust that makes collaboration possible - You inspire people instead of managing them - You close deals by actually solving problems - You create cultures where people do their best work When you're in the box? You're just pushing. Forcing. Fighting. Exhausting yourself trying to move immovable objects. ## The Bottom Line Right now, you're probably in the box with someone. Maybe your boss. That difficult customer. Someone on your team. That person in Finance who always says no. You're convinced they're the problem. You can list all the ways they're wrong. You've built an airtight case. **And they're doing the exact same thing about you.** The question isn't whether you go into the box. You will. We all do. The question is: How quickly can you recognize it? How willing are you to get out? **You can't change other people. But you can change how you see them.** And when you change how you see them—when you genuinely commit to seeing them as people instead of objects—something magical happens. They start seeing you differently too. The resistance drops. The collaboration begins. The breakthrough becomes possible. Not because you got better at convincing them. But because you got out of the box. --- **Want to develop an outward mindset and transform your team dynamics?** Outward Mindset is one of the four pillars of the La Souveraine methodology. Book a call and let's exhale together.